Milestones

Today has been a momentous day! My daughter participated in a school function celebrating independence day! She had a line to say on stage and she said it loud and clear and well! She also looked absolutely adorable in her braids and her new shalwar kameez! I was proud , not to mention she worked really well in class even though she was taking a trip with her daddy to Lahore to visit the paternal grandparents and was super excited!!
Mama's so proud! She went off all excited later that afternoon with her little pink suitcase with her daddy. First trip without mama, momentous occasion for all of us , bitter sweet for me knowing that my little girl is growing up but also knowing that now she is ok without me, i have not been able to part with her for much of her little life but now she is branching out , making friends, enjoying cousins, looking upto her teachers and generally being able to have her own unique relationships with others!!
While i miss her , i am happy she is able to have a special impromptu vacation with her daddy , grandparents and cousin who she loves! AND mama got to finish watching Firefly and reading a book she has been wanting to read for a while!!
Here's to many other milestones in her little life that i look forward to seeing! Wonder what the next will be! Maybe riding a bike without training wheels? something she has been practicing this week??

Why is living with a five year old so hard?

When my daughter was born five years ago, an adorable wide eyed baby who i would have given my life for  (and still would) my life revolved around her. I was the mama that spent every minute of everyday with her and was reluctant to relinquish responsibility to anyone else. I just wanted to be the perfect mama, i read to her since she was a baby, talked to her incessantly, played with her and cuddled her. She was my world, my guiding light , everything i did was for her. I could dress her without a battle, feed her without struggle, she went where i wanted to go, i planned activities i thought she would enjoy, heck ! i even managed to survive two years of looking after her alone while i was a student in Sweden without losing my cool
At five , she is a feisty , independent child who does what she wants, when she wants and how she wants! She has a crazy temper and angers in less than a second!
 I love her to death but how do i manage to get her to listen to me without going crazy in the process? And now she wants a sibling! any guarantees that a second child will be easier??

Sometimes i just feel like hiding away somewhere where life isn't a persistent battle of wills. Getting her to do her homework, get dressed, eat and do what she needs to do requires hours of persuasion, coaxing and assertion of my own authority.
 i need super nanny now!! right now!!  Kids!!

M's quotes of the day! while chasing puppy! " i'll get you now!! dog breath!!
                                                                 "you are entering the house of pain"

Memories of Canada

There is nothing better than shaping you in your formative years than travel and living in a foreign country. This helps one in accepting different styles and perspectives and being a tolerant and open-minded person in general. It allows one to be an outsider for a while and this is conducive to positive growth and development as it allows analysis of cultural differences and where one stands in ones own personal beliefs.
For me , i feel that the five years that i spent in Canada during my college years were crucial in shaping me and making me who i am today. Arriving in Canada to a college campus during orientation week was an eye opening experience to say the least!! The crazy purple jacketed engineers who persisted in terrorizing the frosh, the upper year students lounging with cans of beer outside their apartments, the majestic limestone buildings and the anticipation of what lay ahead was an incredible feeling.
Though i suspect this was not so for my father who looked rather ashen and devastated at the prospect of leaving me alone in a new country where i knew no-one, for me however the possibilities were endless and i felt a weight being lifted off of me and the excitement of something new beginning.
I was not prepared however for the changes that were to take place in me over the next few years, from a wide eyed innocent first year to a considerably more jaded upper year student who had experienced everything that had been so foreign and exotic what seemed like a lifetime ago. The experience was bitter sweet however as i experienced loss of my first love, disappointment in myself at my inability to accomplish all i wanted, fear that time was passing too fast and the experience had been too fleeting.
I lost close friends which was devastating as i had never known such close friendships before i attended college. The level of trust and interdependence i shared with my best friend was something truly special and magical for me and losing people i loved to distance was not easy especially since i had let much of my old life go in my years away.
Sometimes now i look back at my experiences and am in awe of what i had the privilege to experience during those five years.
1) mind opening and horizon broadening classes and understanding that i was allowed to think and question beyond what i had known, this in turn lead to rejection of some of what i had grown up with but made me who i am.
2) A realization that hard work begets hard work, this was primarily realized through experience when i went through a difficult process of settling down to focus on my studies. When i finally managed to gain a steady momentum and excitement about my work, the feeling of reward and euphoria was exhilarating. While i had been a hard worker at school, we were carefully guided and very little was left to chance and ourselves, the desire to please  my parents  was always a major factor in my performance. Here i realized that someday i would be on my own to pursue my own dreams and if i did not perform no-one was accountable but me.
3)An understanding that independence was a great thing and not scary or intimidating as i had thought it to be living in the sanctuary of my parents home.

These were some life changing revelations for me as navigated my five year journey through my college years. On a lighter note i miss
1) the friendliness of Canadians
2) poutine!!!
3) Tim Hortons coffee and iced Cappucinos
4) endless hours spent at indigo books
5) Even the Canadian Winter!!!! imagine that!
6) Barenaked ladies
7)Raccoons which i saw for the first time  (three of them running in a line)
 8)Rollerblading in the middle of the night!
 9) thanksgiving and Christmas with friends

Here i went sky diving, was a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding, got my first tattoo and got my first shot at making my own decisions.

I miss you Canada, you enriched my life in a  very special way!