So i'm back after a long hiatus, everything has changed yet everything is the same. We are back from Sweden after deciding against making a decision to stay there for the long term. We threw in our cards in favour of Karachi and are more or less settled here for the next few years. Yet i'm not sure how i feel, a year into the move , i still feel an immense sense of angst and unease and i can't seem to pinpoint why.
Maybe i'm lonely, maybe i feel displaced and unable to connect with those around me, maybe i feel guilt and anxiety at disappointing my parents, whatever the reason, i have started to resort to escapism, hiding in my own personal space and avoiding my world around.
Maybe this stems from my own issues with self esteem and fear of rejection, maybe this stems from failure to address the root causes of my malaise and lack of motivation to act on this. Maybe i should be doing something about it.
To be honest i feel ashamed, i see people around me doing and acting , helping, volunteering, putting themselves out there , whether it be for charitable work, for artistic work or for any other achievement and me ? i continue to hide myself away and worry about the possibility of wasting my life in the process?
This has to change.