I felt oddly content today. With everything that has been going on in my life, it was strange to feel so good. I have been so angry, so bitter, i started feeling horrible and mean, feeling negative feelings about people and things who have never really hurt me. But today? It was different! really different. I don't know why. maybe it was the prospective interview, maybe it was a inner feeling that the situation can be resolved somehow. Either way i felt good about myself.
Starting from the morning when i dropped my daughter off at school , to the morning spent applying for jobs and to the evening when i felt lighthearted enough to skip with my daughter to the grocery store despite the dark and the cold.
Maybe its the feeling of Christmas in the air, the lights in the streets, the feeling of coziness in the homes, the crisp freshness in the air. Cold has always left me feeling happy and content. Even the winters in Canada were not enough to put me off and as for the dark winter days in Sweden? I remember them with a feeling of softness and nostalgia. the soft white snow on the ground, the light sky, the dim glow of the street lamps, the wonderfully fresh smell in the air, pulling my daughter to dagis in a sled, walking around town, the candles in peoples in windows, the world seemed right.
When i went back home to my country, the harsh intense heat was an immediate damper on my mood. All of a sudden i felt grouchy, antisocial and as if i didn't want to leave the house. Then came the massive feeling of depression at being confined to the house due to my own reluctance to face the heat. I have never been the kind of person to just ' deal with it' as my mum always told me to do. so instead i just felt dark and depressed and found it more and more difficult to see what was positive in my life
Is it possible to be allergic to sunlight? And am i crazy to feel this way? I guess weather plays a huge role in ones mood. However i know its supposed to be the opposite way around.
I wonder...but then again i wouldn't change a thing
Starting from the morning when i dropped my daughter off at school , to the morning spent applying for jobs and to the evening when i felt lighthearted enough to skip with my daughter to the grocery store despite the dark and the cold.
Maybe its the feeling of Christmas in the air, the lights in the streets, the feeling of coziness in the homes, the crisp freshness in the air. Cold has always left me feeling happy and content. Even the winters in Canada were not enough to put me off and as for the dark winter days in Sweden? I remember them with a feeling of softness and nostalgia. the soft white snow on the ground, the light sky, the dim glow of the street lamps, the wonderfully fresh smell in the air, pulling my daughter to dagis in a sled, walking around town, the candles in peoples in windows, the world seemed right.
When i went back home to my country, the harsh intense heat was an immediate damper on my mood. All of a sudden i felt grouchy, antisocial and as if i didn't want to leave the house. Then came the massive feeling of depression at being confined to the house due to my own reluctance to face the heat. I have never been the kind of person to just ' deal with it' as my mum always told me to do. so instead i just felt dark and depressed and found it more and more difficult to see what was positive in my life
Is it possible to be allergic to sunlight? And am i crazy to feel this way? I guess weather plays a huge role in ones mood. However i know its supposed to be the opposite way around.
I wonder...but then again i wouldn't change a thing
No comments:
Post a Comment